Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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