I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
