The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
