i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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