What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
