he puts the penis in happiness.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
