it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
