Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
