Already got asked if we're dating
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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