Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
