just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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