How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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