Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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