She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
