I just saw a hot homeless man
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles