She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants