my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!