the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dating After Heartbreak
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??