we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.