i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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