she woke up with a sticky ear
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
