Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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