I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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