the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
