my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Come see our sink grown plant.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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