Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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