I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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