If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
lets start a swedish sibling band together
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize