Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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