i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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