The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
