Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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