then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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