arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i think i just lost a toe
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
