Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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