I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
