He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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