a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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