This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
