just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
