When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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