I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
