you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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