Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
