I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
