you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme