worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.