i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!