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she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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