Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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