my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
