I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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