i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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