Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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