4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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