Got a toothbrush?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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