I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
