We're like a lot better than the average bears
My friends, they love my intelligence
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
