YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
