I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
