u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
