Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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