I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
