Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
