12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
