I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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