So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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