u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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