Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
