So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just threw up on my dentist
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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